Baaaa

Okay, okay. I admit it, I’m a sheep.

No, not that kind of sheep. I don’t have wool or the need to chew my cud. What I’m talking about is my incredible fear of being a leader.

Normally, I’d chalk it up to being lazy… because I am super lazy (just look at how frequent I’ve been posting since November!). But not this time. Oh, no no no! I’m not letting myself off that easily with a casual ‘meh.’ Nope. Today, I dug beneath the surface of why I don’t like being the boss of others.

Let’s rewind it by a couple weeks…

Last month, I brought forth the idea of a collaborative podcast to a few friends. In my mind, I’d bring up the idea, put my thoughts out there, then let whoever had the strongest sense of leadership take it over. Pretty easy, right?

Wrong!

Instead of jumping in whole-hog, my friends kept asking about what my plans were, where I wanted to go with the story, etc. etc. And let’s be honest here, I was flabbergasted. Never in a million years would I have thought that handing off my ideas to someone else would be so hard. I didn’t want the leadership roll; I wanted to be a grunt in the background while everyone else was making their fame. Is that too much for a person to ask ?

These sheep’s laughter is proving to be much more ominous than I remember

Apparently, it is. Now that I’m the one fielding questions and having to think up answers to things, I’m starting to appreciate all of the women who’ve come before me in the long line of #girlbosses. It’s hard to be in a head position when what you’ve been taught your entire life is to shut up and let everyone else handle the big picture stuff. I’ve always been fine with that before (because I’m lazy), but now that I’ve let a little of the power of the last few weeks go to my head, I’m starting to adjust to being at the head of the table.

I’m not saying I like having a whole lot of responsibility (really, who does?). But I’m finding that the more I allow myself to settle into the role, the more I’m learning and growing.